Simply, because it is bombastically ridiculous.
If I didn't have my dear friend Harry to vouch for it actually happening, no-one would even believe me at all. This is possibly the most life-changing and definitely the most exciting of all the extraordinary events. I'm going to pause before I tell this story to say that I am going to
change the name of this celebrity to Mr X, for reasonable reasons
because of reasons.
Since the novel launch and the awakening from the poster, I'd been keeping the 'If you don't ask, you don't get' mantra pretty firmly placed in the front of my mind.
One evening after work, I was watching a well-known comedy show, and a comedian called 'Mr X' was performing a stand-up routine. I'd heard of him before and always thought he was brilliant, but this show was exceptionally hilarious and he was overwhelming adorable.
Without even really sparing a though about it, I sent him a tweet saying "I want you to be my pet."
I continued to watch the rest of the show and started to watch a film after, before I noticed in my open tabs: " (1) Twitter / Interactions. "
I clicked on it out of mild curiosity, completely forgetting I'd even sent the tweet. My heart stopped dead in my chest. There was a reply from his verified blue-ticked account:
"That can be arranged."
I took all my efforts not to scream.
I laughed aloud in joyous glee and retweeted the shit out of it, before sending back a reply saying "Brilliant, I'll send over my shipping details." I sat back, feeling very happy to myself and put the kettle on to make myself a celebratory cup of tea.
What a cheeky fellow.
Then, unexpectedly, another " (1) Twitter / Interactions. " appeared. I frowned, heart beginning to race again, and clicked to find another reply from him saying:
"I can't wait."
I was quite taken aback in exhilarating surprise. Was a celebrity flirting with me?!
Without warning, the phrase 'If you don't ask, you don't get...' pushed itself to the front of my mind, pulling with it a massive streak of rebelliousness and I replied saying:
"Take me out for dinner."
"Take me out for dinner."
If anything, at least we could all reminisce and have a good laugh at that time I tried to demand a celebrity take me on a date through Twitter. The kettle pinged and I went to get that victory brew. I returned to " (2) Twitter / Interactions. One was a reply from him saying "You're on. x" and the other was a notification saying he'd followed me.
I swear to God I nearly threw the tea up the walls.
After an exchange of a few more flirty messages, it came out that in a weeks time he was performing a stand-up gig in the nearest city to me. I checked my calendar, it was the only day I had off work in the next two weeks. Meant. To. Be.
I smiled to myself. Lady Fate is a beautiful mistress.
He invited me to bring a few friends to come and watch, and we could go out for drinks after. We swapped phone numbers and said we were both looking forward to meeting. More than once I had to pinch myself to check if this was genuinely happening.
Fast forward through a week of agonising wait and butterflies 98% of the time, and me and my darling friend Harry went to the gig.
Mr X met us in the bar, looking outrageously attractive, and I mustered everything I could to try and retain a certain level of coolness. The crowd was tiny and the gig was small and intimate, and I think I managed to just about compose myself in the darkness.
The gig was absolutely hysterical and laid-back, and when it was over we all went downstairs to the bar to get a drink. He was just effortless, and at first it was pretty awkward as I couldn't think of what I could possibly say without sounding like a fangirl, but thank Christ for Harry, who rarely shuts up, as he managed to get the conversation going a lot smoother.
Soon the atmosphere got more relaxed and we started to laugh and chat about his work. He told us about all the TV Shows he was working on, all the celebrities he had to interview - who was nice in real life and who were complete divas - it was awesome. It was so intriguing and interesting to get an insight into what the celebrity lifestyle was really like. He asked us a lot about what we did and what we wanted to do in the future.
It was literally the most surreal thing.
However, our time was only brief because he had to be up early to film at the BBC in the morning, so we all walked up to the station together.
As we walked I began to shiver.
He asked me if I was cold. I smiled and nodded.
"Here" he said, slipped off his American Apparel hoodie, stood behind me, and put it through my arms.
"Are you sure?" I asked, having been suddenly reverted to a melted mush of fifteen year old girl.
"Of course," he smiled, "I'm all good. Plus I get loads of these given to by production companies anyway. That's the biggest perk of the job, they want you to dress a certain way so give you a ton of free clothes." I grinned, and he took my hand, pulling me in front of him so I didn't get left behind.
I flashed a look at Harry who rolled his eyes. We continued to chat and laugh up to the station where we said our goodbye's. He shook Harry's hand. Then he came to me, gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek.
"Maybe next time you're in London I could show you what a proper comedy club is like." He said.
"That'd be... amazing..." I gushed and he smiled.
"Thanks for coming down guys!" He called as he ran to catch his train.
I was shaking, and not from the cold.
"...You totally kept his hoodie on purpose didn't you?" Harry said as soon as Mr X was out of earshot.
In all honesty, I'd genuinely forgotten I had it. I laughed and shook my head but Harry just rolled his eyes at me again and muttered a "For God's sake." I left it a few minutes before texting him thanking him for the good night and apologising for stealing his hoodie.
He replied "Haha, not to worry, you can keep it. When can I see you again? I finish filming at the BBC at 9pm on Friday, how about that dinner I promised you? x"
I think I screamed loud enough for the whole of the city to hear.
P.S I definitely still have that hoodie.
Want to know what happens next? Part 2 is here!